dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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