Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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