Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
