In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
