Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize