im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize