I wish life had little blips of pornography
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
