she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
