what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
