Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
