My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
