he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
