another moral hangover. fuck.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
