look no pants
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
