I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
