a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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