...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
