The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
