dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
