she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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