If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
