hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
