Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
