I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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