Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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