For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
