Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
