i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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