First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
