You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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