You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
