PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
how drunk are you?
Several
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
