Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
