So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
