I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize