I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize