oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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