she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am one with the molecules
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
