are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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