Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
