kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
