i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
vagina is talking i cant
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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