Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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