some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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