I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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