Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
