So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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