There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
