dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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