They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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