As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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