I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and you said cock pushups were impossible
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
