So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
