Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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