Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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