Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
