Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
