Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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