Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
