you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I AM VODKA MAN
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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