Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
